holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
