Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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