Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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