i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
