What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
