I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize