How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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