it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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