I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT