I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
