Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?