Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.