he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.