Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.