Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.