so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.