This girl is more easily done than said...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face