I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
