some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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