so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
