Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
