Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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