4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
