did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize