1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
