Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
