I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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