I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
last night I used snow as a chaser
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
