Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
