I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
