dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
