My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
