I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
