i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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