don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
