Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
