Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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