you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
