Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
