just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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