Come see our sink grown plant.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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