this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love having hate sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
