oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
