sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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