Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
