i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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