Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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