dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
