hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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