3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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