aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
