Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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