Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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