This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
