it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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