Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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