you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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