when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
