I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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