you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
