that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
