I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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