If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
