so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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