So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
