Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
